Every conversation that I have lately has seemed to inevitably turn to the subject of the dating game and my own future.
It seems that now that employment and a regular pay cheque are present, my next desire is companionship and then happiness. I’m a lonely guy and that was never more apparent then these past few weeks.
It feels like there is a sense of urgency to it, but then again it’s more just the feeling of let’s deal with ‘this’ now. My romantic stance this summer has been much more active then before, compared to the passive ‘come what may be’ approach too often employed and too often failed. If nothing more, these frequent forays have improved my confidence level.
I play the bar game with no intention of picking up. It’s all talk, all smiles, all preparation?
As ridiculous as it sounds, being surrounded by adults has added a level of maturity to the equation. Dare I say, growing up?
And through all this, a portrait of desirability has emerged. Intelligence, attractiveness, humour, interests that parallel and complement my own. I don’t want to settle for less. Interested parties enquire within.
In addition to this, a blueprint for the future is being erected. This summer has been refreshing getaway from what was the status quo for the past eight years. High school continued into college, finally ceasing.
In two years time, I want to seriously look at my life and make the big decision. King’s has become simply a ceremonial placename to represent my journalistic ambitions.
I have a desire to leave, live elsewhere. I have been fortunate enough to travel across the country and even over the ocean. I want more. I was jealous of Scott for his plan to bike across Canada, jealous of Sohier for Sri Lanka, jealous of April and Meghan for Australia. Whether for work or learning, it’s like the premise of Big Fish.
“Kept in a small bowl, the goldfish will remain small. With more space, the fish can grow double, triple, or quadruple its size.” It occurred to me then, that perhaps the reason for my growth was that I was intended for larger things. After all, a giant man can’t have an ordinary-sized life.
Soon enough, I need a larger bowl. For next year, a ‘real’ apartment will suffice to go along with living the life. But I need more.
The RCMP tech services have development jobs in Ottawa. My Sport NS work could open up possibilities in sports (Anaheim?) or government. My other dreams point to Alberta, Australia and England. I refuse to live vicariously, to stand by. I want to live the dream.