Runaway Future

30.3.2006

Hey, can I weigh those?

Filed under: The Daily Grind — forbes @ 17:58

So today in an utterly pointless conversation at work, I was talking with someone about Pamela Anderson and how she must have back problems because of her large chest.
But then from that came the question that because they’re fake, are they less of a strain on the back in comparison to real ones?
Fake breasts are made of saline, which is to say that they are basically a silcone balloon (for lack of a better word) filled with sterile salt water.
Real breasts are made mostly of fatty tissue.

My associate at work suggested we travel Skin…excuse me…Spring Garden Road and ask appropriate specimens if we can conduct tests to compare. I remained skeptical about the number of fake breasts that exist in regular society, although with matching T-Shirts and perhaps gloves and safety goggles, we should look official enough to pull it off.

Where does one find out about these pressing issues?
Do women with fake breasts suffer back pain akin to women with large real breasts? Do fake breasts and real breasts weigh the same?

29.3.2006

This made my day

Filed under: The Daily Grind — forbes @ 17:12

On Sunday, I emailed TSN’s James Duthie.

Hello Mr. Duthie

Once again, we are on the cusp of what should be another thrilling
Stanley Cup playoffs and once again, I will be turning to TSN for my NHL
postseason coverage. I am taking this time to write to encourage you to
consider your roots and perhaps adjust your programming accordingly.
I’m sure we both can remember the sensational spring of 2003
featuring yourself, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim and a precious crab
eating macaque named Maggie. The events of that playoff run placed the
Mighty Ducks in the Stanley Cup final and catapulted you to the summit
of the witty host ranks.
This season, those plucky Ducks are looking like they could be
making another gruelling playoff run (unbeaten in their last six, won 10
of their last 12). I implore you to open negotiations with the
Bowmanville Zoo as well as your superiors to not only bring Maggie back,
but to also make sure you re-capture the magic once more. Obviously
TSN’s continuing relationship with Brian Burke could also be used to
your advantage, essentially making the Ducks TSN’s featured playoff
team.
I know that you mentioned during the last playoffs, way back in
2004, that fame had gone to Maggie’s head. I believe you even went as
far as describing her as a primate Corey Feldman. However, it’s been
almost three years since she last worked for TSN, more then enough time
to clean herself up and get her life back on tracks. Looking at their
website, I see that the Bowmanville Zoo also boasts a ring tailed lemur
named Petie, just in case.
Also the Zoo’s future is in jeopardy, according to a plea also found
on their website. Now I know it might be too much to ask for you to
throw your impressive clout behind the Zoo, but think of the benefit
that one of those intelligent, hard-hitting, nose to the grindstone
journalism vignettes that you do so well could mean to Canada’s Oldest
Private Zoo. Entertaining sports coverage and social conscious? How can
you say no?
Please take some time to think about what I have said. Obviously the
Ducks and the Duthie owe a lot to one another and it would no doubt be
in the interest of all parties involved (including your legions of fans)
to see the special relationship continue.
Thank you for your time and have a great day!

Yours in Sport,

Kevin Forbes

Today he emailed me back:

well kevin…
a passionate speech…
and one which i forwarded to the honchos who make the call on these things.

from what i hear…its 50/50 on maggie’s return. if she’s still alive…i
don’t know if we’ve checked.

say a little prayer for her.

it could go either way.

stay tuned.

jd

I am amused.

25.3.2006

We’ve been living life inside a bubble

Filed under: The Daily Grind — forbes @ 13:12

The next time I get in an argument with someone,

I want to use these!

24.3.2006

and that’s the kind of day it’s been

Filed under: The Daily Grind — forbes @ 1:37

I tried to write a solid comment to Murf after this post but really it’s worthy of its own post.

I disagree with the way the Junos are going about things. I would want to be there in an instant to see Coldplay perform, but that is (almost) beside the point. I’m a hypocrite. However, I don’t see why the big acts have to be from another country. Murf mentioned Neil Young, I’ll throw out the Hip and the Guess Who. Hell even try for current artists like Avril or Sum 41. Nickelback will still draw fans, the same way they still sell records and are always on the radio. The difference is that they’re all Canadian.

I’m not completely opposed to what was suggested in the first article that prompted my original post. Like the Grammys did, pair the commercial act with those less contempory. It could produce some interesting and original ensembles.

Actually, here’s two good ones that pop out that aren’t even commercial with unusual: get Diana Krall to perform with her husband Elvis Costello. Then get Feist to perform Secret Heart with Ron Sexsmith. It’s not that hard, and these would be less tits and glitz and more actual talent and the music. Krall, Feist and Sexsmith are all nominated for multitudes of awards. Then get one of the urban nominations to perform with the jazz nominations, and maybe even Neil Young, backed up by one of the country nominations. I guarantee it would be a grand representation of Canadian music.

At the end of the day, CTV is trying to make the Junos something they’re not. Most of the awards aren’t going to be awarded on TV and the two major performers aren’t even Canadian. It should be a focus on recognizing Canadian music, no matter how grass roots it has to be. Give it back to the CBC, they’ll pretty much have to air it, regardless of whether it’s any good or not.

I was talking last night with someone about a cultural policy, which for those who don’t know (like myself) is a government policy dictating how it will support and promote the culture of the country, such as the arts, drama, dance, music, history, heritage and museums, the whole shebang (My first reaction to this was that something all covering and well done could do wonders for Quebec, because one of the key reasons for the separatist talk is the loss of Francophone culture, but that is beside the point). Canada doesn’t have an established broad sweeping one, but it is there in some cases, such as the National Film board and the Canadian law to make sure most of the TV broadcasts across Canada are Canadian content and why when you watch something on Fox like the OC, you usually get the Global feed with Canadian commercials (same reason why we don’t get the Super Bowl commercials).

Music unfortunately doesn’t appear to fall under the umbrella of any policy, despite it being an important part of our culture. Make fun of Canadian music if you want (some of it definitely deserves it), but it is an essential reflection of us. Despite some pretty bad imitations of popular music from the States, Canadian music as a whole is unique to us, it’s part of our social fabric.

Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not just the Junos either, it’s the whole Canadian Idol/eTalk Daily drivel. It just feels wrong, it feels fake. And it’s only getting worse:

MTV Canada is starting up as an all-talk station, carrying no music videos. At the same time, Much Music has applied for permission to reduce music-video content to 50% down from 65%. Before it was a joke that you couldn’t actually watch music on Much Music, now it is becoming a sad reality. Link

Honestly, is there an audience for our Canadian Idols and the Much Music VJ search?

21.3.2006

and only from Canadian Tire…

Filed under: The Daily Grind — forbes @ 7:43

Look what happens when you get rid of the Canadian Tire Guy! He’s taking down the whole company with him, in his smug, self satisfied way…

Just wait, before you know it, Canadian Tire CEO, Wayne Sales will die in a tragic car accident after his antilock brakes (only from Motomaster) fail. And the car will be wiped clean of fingerprints with the pressure washer (only from Mastercraft).

Such is the penance of pissing off the Canadian Tire Guy…

Next Page »

Powered by WordPress