Runaway Future

On Sunday, I emailed TSN’s James Duthie.

Hello Mr. Duthie

Once again, we are on the cusp of what should be another thrilling
Stanley Cup playoffs and once again, I will be turning to TSN for my NHL
postseason coverage. I am taking this time to write to encourage you to
consider your roots and perhaps adjust your programming accordingly.
I’m sure we both can remember the sensational spring of 2003
featuring yourself, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim and a precious crab
eating macaque named Maggie. The events of that playoff run placed the
Mighty Ducks in the Stanley Cup final and catapulted you to the summit
of the witty host ranks.
This season, those plucky Ducks are looking like they could be
making another gruelling playoff run (unbeaten in their last six, won 10
of their last 12). I implore you to open negotiations with the
Bowmanville Zoo as well as your superiors to not only bring Maggie back,
but to also make sure you re-capture the magic once more. Obviously
TSN’s continuing relationship with Brian Burke could also be used to
your advantage, essentially making the Ducks TSN’s featured playoff
team.
I know that you mentioned during the last playoffs, way back in
2004, that fame had gone to Maggie’s head. I believe you even went as
far as describing her as a primate Corey Feldman. However, it’s been
almost three years since she last worked for TSN, more then enough time
to clean herself up and get her life back on tracks. Looking at their
website, I see that the Bowmanville Zoo also boasts a ring tailed lemur
named Petie, just in case.
Also the Zoo’s future is in jeopardy, according to a plea also found
on their website. Now I know it might be too much to ask for you to
throw your impressive clout behind the Zoo, but think of the benefit
that one of those intelligent, hard-hitting, nose to the grindstone
journalism vignettes that you do so well could mean to Canada’s Oldest
Private Zoo. Entertaining sports coverage and social conscious? How can
you say no?
Please take some time to think about what I have said. Obviously the
Ducks and the Duthie owe a lot to one another and it would no doubt be
in the interest of all parties involved (including your legions of fans)
to see the special relationship continue.
Thank you for your time and have a great day!

Yours in Sport,

Kevin Forbes

Today he emailed me back:

well kevin…
a passionate speech…
and one which i forwarded to the honchos who make the call on these things.

from what i hear…its 50/50 on maggie’s return. if she’s still alive…i
don’t know if we’ve checked.

say a little prayer for her.

it could go either way.

stay tuned.

jd

I am amused.