Runaway Future

I like to make things difficult for myself. For example, there’s an opening to get Media Credientials for the QMJHL (ie: the Mooseheads) with Hockey’s Future. I didn’t jump at the chance, but half-heartedly and not convincingly threw my name out there. I pondered and so on, and then after consultation with real people, I went back and made my effort and desire for that opportunity a bit more noticeable. For reasons I can’t understand, I made it some sort of questionable decision worthy of wondering and deep thought when really it is just a chance to improve my skills. It’s something I should just jump at. I like to make things difficult for myself so I can be frivelous when it comes to important things.

It probably boils down to fear and an unwillingness to give up *wasting time* to actually advance my dreams. At my lowest, everything I write is crap and I am never going to break out of the rut I’m in. At my worst, my attempts at journalism are feeble and sophomoric and I always strive to be seen as professional and mature because deep down I know that I am not. I’m my own worst enemy. Hopefully I get press credentials, despite myself.
…

I’m terrible at remembering things. I keep thousands of to-do lists and notes to self. I call my voicemail at work and leave messages, even when I’m at work. I email myself at home when I’m at work, and at work when I’m at home.

Sadly for me, I’m also terrible remembering faces. Well, not faces, but names or memories with those faces. For example, there’s this girl I have seen by my new apartment building a handful of times so far. I know her, she knows me, she sees me and smiles and says hello in a tone of recognition. For the life of me, I don’t know her name or where I even met her. It’s not the first time that happened and I always feel silly asking people where I know them from. Maybe next time I see her…

This one time, I was walking to the bus station and this girl with blonde dreadlocks was coming towards me and we ‘recognized’ each other. I have no idea who she is (or was) either.

…

As much as I like watching Cruise Ships leave while I eat supper, tourists are damn stupid. Walking back to work, there’s like half a dozen people just wandering across Spring Garden, staring at a bus. Meanwhile, a cargo van almost flattened them. You know, they’re probably not from this country, but I would put money on the fact that they no doubt have roads, traffic and cross walks wherever they’re from. Use the third to avoid the second when crossing the first.

Just a few random ruminations and happenings from the past few weeks:

• I saw a shooting star a few weeks back walking home from Murf’s
• During the Busker Festival, Murf, Derek and I got interviewed by these guys doing a documentary on why most Canadians hate Toronto. Then we got interviewed by the Daily News. Here’s a link to the blog of the guy doing the documentary. Here’s another one to a Toronto Star article about the documentary.
• I told Brett that I’ll probably live in this apartment as long as I’m in Halifax. That’s probably true.
• I told Chris that in three years time, if we’re still in a rut, we’d head to Alberta, the land of the labour shortage.
• I’m starting to really like the new TV show Vanished. Meanwhile, Prison Break is just getting unbelievable.
• I’m meeting a guy I work with at HF at the Mooseheads game tomorrow.
• There’s a big sign on the front of my office building. It displays, among other things, the time, the temperature and the day of the week. It seems like everytime I turn the corner to walk to work in the morning, the day of the week is being displayed. And I swear, I hear the *thunk-thunk* sound from Law & Order
• Here’s a cowboy monkey that rides dogs.
• There are two movies I really want to see when they come out: Hollywoodland and Man of the Year
• I mentioned Murf’s free porn earlier today, but this is way hotter. Chair-on-Chair action.

Brett came to visit this weekend, which was pretty cool. I hadn’t seen him, and scarcely talked to him, since Christmas.

We generally hung around Halifax: met up with Kaela and Leigh, went out with Chris, Murf and Derek, saw Snakes on a Plane (again), watched UFC and drank.

My favourite part of the weekend was at like 3:30am on Saturday (really Sunday), when Chris, Brett and I stumbled back to my place from Murf’s (and Murf’s free porn, which honestly, isn’t even good porn, it’s pretty nasty, but it’s free, so there’s no place to complain). We were all just sober enough to be sensible, sitting around talking.

We talked about the future and our lives, that prophetic next big step, coming to the conclusion that we all have no idea what to do with ourselves, no clue what we want to do now or next. Didn’t we have that all figured out when we graduated from SRHS?

Then we moved onto women, for the first time in a long time, all three of us being single at the same time, coming to the conclusion that all women have two of the following three qualities: attractive, mentally stable and single. They’re all crazy to some degree…

Anyway, it was cool to catch up, nice to find that those who matter most and I’m close with are going through the same as me. It’s always a relief to see you’re not fighting the struggle alone.

Chris and I stayed up and watched the sun come up. The city is turning into autumn quicker each day. Today I had to wear a jacket.

Today’s Brett’s birthday. Have a good one, buddy.

I’ve been busy lately, work has been a challenge, but productive. It feels like summer is winding down, although Peter Coade reminded me last night on the news that there’s still another 30 days. Last year, I felt like my summer went from the beginning of August, until Sport Fair at the end of September. This summer, I feel like it started with K-Murf, and now the momentum seems to be slowing down.

The new apartment is awesome. Mom and Dad brought a crapload of things from home and so, even though I once had it clean and organized, there are suddenly boxes of things all over the place. I’m slowly getting everything how I want it to be.

I had a house warming party on the weekend. I got a keg from Garrison Brewery. Two things I’ve realised about buying beer by the keg:

1. A keg is a lot of beer
2. There’s an unwritten rule that you can’t leave any of that beer in a keg

Anyway, it was a good time had by all, I wish more of the people who said that they would show up actually did, but for those who did, I hope they all enjoyed the free beer.

I have a BBQ, after much difficulty with electric BBQs and foolish Canadian Tire employees. The cover almost blew off my balcony last night, which was awful exciting.

I saw Snakes on a Plane. It’s a ridiculous movie, but I found it hilarious. The film is about snakes on a plane. Go figure.

I’m procrastinating on a Hockey’s Future article (again) and have no real excuse except my own negligence. I was considering applying for a freelance writer position I saw in the Coast, but if I can’t even motivate myself to write for HF, how would I ever be able to do it for anyone else, who might not be so soft with deadlines.

On the weekend, it was really foggy down here. The world feels very small when you can’t see anything from your balcony.

Subject: South Africa 2010 FiFa World Cup Hosting Committee

> Dear Sir/Madam,
>
> I am Mr Fasi Mandisi , Director of Bid/Project Implementation South
> Africa 2010 Fifa world cup hosting committee , I apologized using this
> medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude. Be
> informed that I got your particulars from a member of the South Africa
> Export Promotion Council (SAEPC) who was at the Government delegation
> to your country during a trade exhibition. I have decided to seek a
> confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal
> described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will
> keep it confidential because of the nature of this transaction.
>
> you must be aware now that my country south africa won the bid to host
> the world cup by 2010,perior to this bid my committee was mandated to
> lobby the members of board of Federation International Football
> Association
> (FIFA) on selection of the country to host the world cup,the bidding was
> intensive but at the end we got the hosting right.My committee was given
> the sum of $29 million dollars to lobby the members of the FIFA ruling
> body to make sure that we win the hosting right. Considering the gain that
> comes with the hosting right,South Africa’s economy will receive a massive
> direct boost from hosting the 2010 World Cup.
>
> Financial impact report for South Africa’s World Cup bid committee
> shows that the 2010 World Cup will pump R21.3-billion into South
> Africa’s economy,and creating anestimated 159000 new jobs. with the
> help the living legend of our time86-year-oldNobel Peace Prize winner
> Dr.Nelson Mandela who made an emotive case forSouth Africa,we got the
> bid without spending all the money,i and my commitee members saw this
> as a God sent opportunity to secure our future and that of our family
> there for, l was mandated by other committee members to look for a way
> to move the remaining money to a safe place with the help of a
> foreigner who we can trust and is ready to assistus to move the funds
> considering the fact that we are still members of the bid/project
> commitee.
>
> we have in our possession the sum $21millon since we spent just
> $8million for lobbying. we are ready to give you 20% for all your
> assistance,me and my coleague will keep 80% lf you are willing,kindly
> reply to my letter and further directive will be given to you. Bearing
> in mind that confidentiality is of great essence so is time,i will
> await your response.Am presently in Europe to conclude this
> transaction.
>
> I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.
>
> Yours faithfully,
> Fasi Mandisi.
>

Hmmm, I think I just figured out a way to fund the Halifax 2014 Commonwealth Games bid…