Runaway Future

I mentioned Donald Crowdis’ weblog before, Don to Earth. It’s probably the only blog run by a 93-year-old Canadian who used to work for the CBC and the Nova Scotia Museum.

Don wrote a purely heart-breaking entry on his view of his own inevitable death. He’s 93 and he approaches the whole subject without fear, but a sensible calmness that I can only hope comes as you get older. I encourage you all to read it:

I’ve floated on the remark “Been there, done that” for some time now, but the notion that the moment is approaching when I can no longer say this bothers me. The truth is, I don’t want to go. [Link]

The problem is, that entry was linked on BoingBoing, which can be viewed as an ultimate compliment by some Net residents. So there’s the inevitable wave of traffic to the site and now Don seems to have been struck with…well not stage fright…but more of a realization of an audience and the knowledge that being aware of people reading his words will have an effect on his future commentary on the world:

My blog, a little over six months old, has become popular. Until now, I have been able to write about anything that occurred to me, not really caring how many people paid attention. Now I feel I have a standard to uphold, and I fear this will cramp my style — which I didn’t try to have. No doubt this phenomenon is part of being or feeling responsible. [Link]

Every now and then, I feel the same way. Not always sure of myself or feeling comfortable exposing myself fully, throwing out exactly what I want to say for all to witness. What if my family read? What if my co-workers, or my boss reads? What if my friends read? What if they don’t? No one wants to feel accountable for everything they ever say. I’ve had my own regrets and troubles with that balance sometimes.

I’ve come to accept it better with my Hockey’s Future writing. Emails from relatives of the prospects are always difficult, but I deal with mentions by scouts and other names better now that I’ve grown more comfortable with my work. I’ve had one case where someone tied this blog to my work with HF which was a bit embarrassing, but all bridge under the water.

That said, there has been plenty of times when I find myself susceptible to self-censor. Most recently, the battle of the white supremacists Vs. the Halifax Locals. Basically, after the Jared Taylor incident, (Of Note: Please read that entire article, it is a gem) plenty of discussion took place on the Halifax Locals board about the whole thing. At the same time, plenty of discussion took place on a White Nationalist board about the whole thing as well. Obviously, there were two different major trains of thought on who was in the right and who was in the wrong and just as obviously, both sides eventually found one another.

So words were exchanged, empty threats made and the White Nationalists made it their mission to try to unmask those in attendance at the failed speech. That’s when it started getting a bit out of line as personal information is dug up and posted on the White Nationalist board. Then one of them takes a picture of the house where a number of the protesters lived. Suddenly, Internet words become real world concern.

As can be expected, this whole chain of events bothered me greatly and while I did not actively participate in any of the arguments, I did watch it closely, like one might watch a car crash about to happen. So far, nothing more has really developed. Petty arguments have been fired back and forth, but the Locals are getting tired of it and hopefully soon this will all fade into the past.

I must admit, I was (and am) very troubled by all of this. The apparent stalking of innocent people in the streets of Halifax. Hell, even the fact that people with such a shocking different viewpoint walk amongst the people in this city is quite distressing. I don’t want to stick my head up, I don’t want to be a target due to my own views, draw attention to myself for the wrong reason. I’ve talked before about the trail of identity one leaves across the online world and through mine, everything can be seen and found, my address, my phone number, my office. It’s crazy how much a dedicated person could find out if given the inclination.

So why give it to them? Are normal ideals that I (and everyone I know) view as commonplace worth making a huge stink over?