Runaway Future

I always seem to delay writing these year in review pieces. It usually takes the better part of the month of January to drag the words out of me, to find me in a reflective mood. This year was a bit different. I woke up on January first and started scribbling notes on 2009. It just felt proper to let those thoughts simmer a bit before committing them to the ether.

So here’s my 2009 year in review.

To start, here’s my 2008 year in review. Perhaps my biggest failure was not being disciplined enough to keep with the idea of donating more over the course of the full year. I did end up committing a larger contribution then years before, but my original intended plan was to donate to a different charity every month and that got me until maybe April. I’ll ruminate on this a bit more below.

Other then that, writing has been a journey, I’ve been better disciplined or at least I feel like I have been. I started a Tumblr blog and through that I’ve been able to figure out a bit more purpose for this space. Now I feel that things I find interesting, stories, videos, music and so on, go on the Tumblr, while this space is more for the conversation, my thoughts, my views, my feelings on whatever is on my mind. Establishing that balance in my mind has allowed me to be a bit more productive in both spaces.

My resolutions last year were “to be more insensitive, immature, drink more, eat more fast food, less controlled and louder.” I kinda think I accomplished that, for better or for worse. I also resolved to get a submarine. That did not come to pass, unfortunately.

The main things I’ll remember from 2009

“Now you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows.” I ran two half marathons last year, one in February and another in May. It’s kinda funny, because running was such a huge part of the fall of 2008 and the spring of 2009 for me and I don’t have the same dedication to it now. I’m no longer “training” for something and so I only sporadically work at it.

I had a summer that began with people in Calgary comparing me to George Strombopolous and ended with me meeting him on the side of a race track in Ontario.

In that similar vein, I had the time of my life with the motorcycle races. It’s hard to describe the staff without relying on the overused idea of family. It solidified in my mind that THAT is what work should feel like. Hell, we’re four months from the last race and four months from the next one and one of them just checked in on me over Facebook to see how my eye is doing.

Speaking of eyes, that period in November was the oddest ever, where over the course of a month I went from being told I might be going blind, to I might have a degenerative neurological condition, to being properly diagnosed with something that could be fixed. It got fixed last week. I can wear contacts now, which might sound minor, but I’ve had glasses since I was 7 and have always been told I could never get contacts or get LASIK. The dramatic shuttering of doors closing and opening over the month of November was overwhelming.

I also got the beard. Since August, I’ve had facial hair. It’s been ranging from scruff to hobo, but it’s been there. I like it. I blame the beard for all my misadventures.

Things I want from 2010

I need to budget. I realise that that sounds small and annoying, but I need to control my spending a bit more and plan better. I think with some more financial sense, I can live up to the dreams of last year with donating money on a regular basis. I also think I can do a lot more. I’m jealous of Derek and his trips to Peru and Australia and India. He makes so much sense by saying that not going to the Oasis three times a week saves a lot of money. I’m jealous of Mel and her trip to Europe.

My excuse for not following those dreams has always been work, but that needs to become less of a leash on my life and more of a means to an end. I keep feeling like I’m on the cusp of something larger, something more.

In my original scribbles, I had pinpointed the apartment as being something I wanted to change. It might sound a bit crazy, but I swear that for the past two months there was this persistent buzzing or ringing or humming noise in my apartment. I originally thought it was just in my apartment, but then I swore I heard it in the entire building, which led me to think it was something with the heating. It was bad enough that if I woke up and the sound registered in my mind, I could not get back to sleep. Thankfully,the sound has recently disappeared just as abruptly as it began, leaving the apartment sounding that much quieter. It’s almost like I miss it.

Anyway, my apartment isn’t the best. The carpet is stained and gross (a lot of it from before I moved in). The ceiling fan is broken and the cold water tap in the bathroom leaks around the base. I’ve told the super about these things months ago and neither one got fixed. The entire bathroom probably needs to get redone. But, in the end, it’s livable. Rent’s great for the location and the location is amazing. Unless something changes, I think staying here isn’t a bad idea.

I do want to rededicate myself to fitness. I know that’s the cliche resolution, to go to the gym more. For the past two winters, I’ve dropped a significant amount of weight over the months of November, December and January. Last year, I thought it was because of the running,  but I’m not running as much this year and I’m still 10 pounds lighter than I was in September for no good reason. Anyway, I want to be healthier, I want to take better care of myself.

I’m finding I need more sleep. I’m needing to find more sleep.