I feel the need to preface this by saying I don’t think I really believe in ghosts, I don’t view myself as being overly spiritual, let alone religious, but I guess I believe in something more than just coincidence.
At the end of July, I made this post on my Tumblr, pointing out that for what seemed to be the first time ever, there were blue jays outside my apartment. Blue jays represent something simple and special to me, they remind me of the cottage, which really is the only permanent home I have, the only structure I can point at with memories stretching back since birth.
A week after I made that post, I went to see Liam at the hospital. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. It shook me up, I didn’t make it home before becoming a complete mess., tears in Victoria Park. When I did make it home, I remember lying on my couch and staring at the ceiling. Then a blue jay started shrieking outside, my phone buzzed with a message and I embarked on a misguided journey that night to drink all the booze in Halifax trying to fill a void.
The next morning, I woke up on my couch to the sounds of the blue jays and the messages blinking on my phone that LB had passed away overnight.
LB’s passing really bothered me mainly because it didn’t seem fair. He was important to so many people, I’m having a hard time taking a step in this city without running into someone else who knew him and who loved him.
But it continued like that. That entire week, the wake, the funeral, the party after the funeral, going to meet friends. It was all punctuated by the calls of blue jays.
I’m not trying to say that there’s something supernatural happening here. I’m sure it’s all just confirmation bias. But a lot has happened since the beginning of August until now. And now every significant step, whether it’s the process that landed me at my new job or just meeting up with people, there’s been a cry of a blue jay. It’s like a guide or a totem, right path and wrong path. I almost feel like I can get cues on which is the right direction based on the blue jays. And it feels crazy to admit that.
In June, I went to Toronto for three Blue Jays games. It was a trip that I bought at a charity auction to raise money for LB and his treatment. So I guess that’s the connection?
It’s weird, it’s likely my own imagination, but it’s also kind of reassuring.