A couple months ago, I got a message out of the blue from someone I hadn’t spoke with in a couple years.
As things happen, we stopped being in contact and it wasn’t under the best circumstances.
So the message was an apology. An apology after two years.
Which was hard to swallow.
And today, I found the words why.
In this article, Ta-Nehisi Coates lays out the issue with forgiveness:
As Cooper says it puts a moral burden on the injured party; the injured having already lost his dignity at the hands of the aggressor, is asked to give one more thing. I’d argue it’s better to seek forgiveness of oneself, to learn from one’s own wrongs. An apology made in hopes of getting something is already compromised.
His example speaks of white guilt and racism, but it could speak of anything. An apology made externally just to gain internal forgiveness is hollow.